Coming out of the Closet
by PerfectNezumi
Summary: Well, it's more of a cabinet than a closet, and Kanda doesn't want to be in here anyway. But Lavi refuses to let him out.


_A/N: I still don't have the best grasp on canon anything but fuck it I love these two so I'm winging it. Warning for a bit (a lot) of_ _ **gay hanky-panky.**_

It's tight, hot, and stuffy, and Kanda can't breathe properly. It may be because he's trapped in a cabinet barely large enough to contain his contorted body, or it may be more to do with the fact that his dick is pressed deep inside Lavi, who is rocking back and forth on his lap as vigorously as the confined space allows. The traces of his first ejaculation slosh warm and wet against his dick as Lavi moves, the redhead keening low in his throat, breathing ragged, palms hard against the wall. Kanda's eyes roll back –

 **-Three Hours Earlier-**

A pale pink lotus, poised under a shining glass dome, sat high on a shelf. A single petal silently detached from the plant and floated lazily to the base of the case. Kanda's dark eyes narrowed as they followed its descent, something in his chest tightening, skin itching. "Fuck."

It was the fourth petal in the last hour and while he wasn't exactly sure what that meant he did know that sooner or later he was going to have to speak to Komui about it, and he was definitely not looking forward to it. Every conversation with Komui ended up being twisted into an interrogation about the mad scientist's baby sister, and he was not in the mood to be forced into spying on Lenalee again. Last time Komui had bribed him into it (hey, a free honing of Mugen and a year's supply of soba is nothing to sneeze at) he'd seen far more of Allen than he'd ever wanted to. It had taken five straight hours of solid training to get that reflective pale ass out of his memory.

He slammed the door on the way out of his room, just because he could, and didn't bother to go back and lock it. There was nothing much worth stealing in there anyway, and most people knew better than to invade his space by now. And by 'most people' he meant 'anyone but Lavi'.

Kanda's jaw tightened at the thought of the impudent redhead with his forced jovial manner and his mysteriously unexplained eyepatch. It wasn't that the idiot couldn't see Kanda's boundaries, no, Kanda knew better than to fall for that act. Lavi knew exactly where Kanda's boundaries lay and stomped all over them on purpose. Lavi was dangerous, and it was Kanda's goal in life to avoid him as much as humanly possible. _Stupid rabbit._

So he was more than pissed when he found Komui's office populated not by the unhinged sis-con scientist but by one unmistakable bouncy redhead.

Lavi grinned innocently at him, shoving a sheaf of papers behind his back. "Hey, Yuu."

Kanda glared, a muscle on the right side of his jaw ticking. "You're stealing files."

"Ah, this? No-oo." Lavi brandished the papers in front of him and slid them haphazardly around on the desk. "I'm just filing them away. Keeping things tidy."

Kanda clicked his tongue. "Sure. I don't care. Where's Komui?"

"Dunno." Lavi gave a lazy shrug, and while his idiot act was pretty good Kanda could tell he was still scanning the papers intently for whatever information he had been looking for.

Kanda stood there glowering, his chest itching again. He'd bet his year's supply of soba (well, maybe half of it, he wasn't that big on taking chances) that that means another petal was falling from the lotus. He shoved the thought that he might be dying out of his head.

"Are you okay?"

Lavi was staring at him, hands still busy rifling through the papers on the desk. He looked genuinely concerned, and Kanda wondered how much of that was real. Lavi was just a false persona, right? It annoyed him how much of the redhead he has allowed under his skin. "Fine," he snapped.

Lavi raised an eyebrow and shook his head, returning his attention to the papers, all pretense of innocence gone.

Kanda considered just leaving him to it and coming back later, but the strangely uncomfortable tight heat of his skin was telling him that was a bad idea. _Where the fuck is Komui?_

Without warning Lavi stood up straight, eyes wide and searching, head swiveling. Kanda swore he could see his ears perk up. He didn't think the idiot could get any more rabbit-like, but he seemed seconds away from thumping his foot to warn of danger.

The foot thumping didn't happen, to Kanda's relief. Instead Lavi shoved him inside a cabinet and climbed on top of him, pulling the doors shut with a terrifying click.

"What. The fuck."

"Shhhhh." Lavi covered his mouth with a warm, inky palm, so Kanda bit it.

Lavi hissed and pulled away. Kanda glared at the shape of his face in the dusty, fragmented light filtering through the gaps in the door. "Pray tell me, why am I in a cupboard?"

"Komui's coming," Lavi whispered. "Shut up."

Feeling petty, and because it was entirely too close to his face, Kanda tugged sharply on Lavi's hair. "And that's who I came to see, asshole. I wasn't the one pilfering information so I don't need to be hiding."

He could hear footsteps now, and the ominous whisper of Komui crooning to one of his creations.

"I wasn't thinking," Lavi admitted, "But we're in it together now so shut up."

"I have no loyalty to you," Kanda hissed.

His rant was unceremoniously interrupted by the unmistakable noise of the door sliding open. "Oh Taskmaster 3000, you're going to be the best security detail ever," Komui warbled. A loud, wet, smacking sound followed, which could only be Komui kissing his newest machine. Kanda scrunched up his nose.

"Anyone who is found to be doing wrong, boom!" Komui clapped his hands. "Incinerated!"

The machine whirred and clicked, as if in approval.

"Good boy." He could hear the sound of skin hitting metal as Komui patted the lethal machine like a dog. "Now that rascally Allen will think twice about sneaking into my darling Lenalee's bedroom. Wait here for a bit while I go check on your brothers and sisters."

The sound of Komui's happy whistle got fainter and fainter as he disappeared back up the hallway.

Kanda had been planning to just jump out and abandon Lavi – the redhead more than deserved any trouble he would get into – but with a Komui Original standing right in front of the doors he was starting to rethink this plan. Exiting a cabinet in the midst of Komui's domain would definitely count as 'doing wrong' in the eyes – or sensors? – of Komui's new attack robot, no matter how stupid the reason for entering it had been.

Instead he rested his head against the cabinet wall and closed his eyes, wondering why on earth Komui had an empty cabinet in the first place. Maybe the pervert liked to hide in here to spy on anyone who entered his office unannounced. _Who really cares?_

Kanda redirected his thoughts to mentally condemning Lavi to hell for putting him in this position. Who knew how long it would be before Komui came back to remove his shitty robot, or if he even would at all. The cabinet may be large enough for one pervy mad scientist to spy in but it was definitely too small for two long-legged exorcists.

His knees were pressed hard against the far wall, Lavi crunched over awkwardly between his legs. It's far more bodily contact than he should ever have to endure, especially because the damn rabbit kept wriggling around, trying to find the best angle to peer through the keyhole.

"It's huge." Suddenly Lavi's mouth was right by his ear, breath tickling his neck, voice hushed. "We're going to die."

"And whose fault is that?" Kanda said, voice low in case the monster outside could pick up sound. "If we survive this I'm going to kill you anyway, stupid rabbit."

'Aw, you don't mean that." Lavi's lips were still brushing his ear, and his brain chose this moment to realize that the idiot's knee was pressing firmly into his crotch. _Whatever you do, Rabbit, don't move. Please don't move._ "I'll buy you ten bowls of soba. I'll take the next mission of yours you don't want to go on. I'll spend the next week distracting Allan so he doesn't come near you."

It's unfortunate, too, that his brain thought it was okay to remind him that actually he was very attracted to Lavi physically. He spent a lot of time pretending to hate on that red hair but actually it's kind of… sexy, when paired with his ridiculously green eyes. Eye. Not to mention his uniform pants that look painted on that molded perfectly to the curves of his butt, and the way his eye crinkled shut when he smiled...

"Shut up," he snapped, and the machine outside made a contemplative whirring noise. Kanda grimaced. He didn't want to die in a tiny cabinet with Lavi between his knees at the hands of a robot made by a pervert. How embarrassing.

"Do you think we could take it by surprise?" Lavi whispered, and he was moving again, which was a horrific mistake on his part.

His knee was rubbing against Kanda's crotch in tiny, staccato movements, and it was slowly driving him insane. His dick had risen to half-mast and was reveling in the pressure Lavi was unwittingly giving it, no matter how hard he was trying to imagine a drunken Marie doing yoga in lingerie.

"Shit." Lavi sighed heavily. "I guess we're stuck here. Do you know any quiet games we could play? We'll probably be here for a while."

Kanda scowled. "Why would I play games with you?"

He was admiring the line of Lavi's jaw, highlighted against the darknesss by the light trickling through the door, and wondered if he could get away with leaning forward and kissing it. It was ridiculously hot and he was starting to sweat, but so was Lavi and for some reason his scent was turning him on. Maybe the heat was driving him mad.

"It's hot," Lavi moaned, and Kanda's restless mind took the accidental brush of thigh against thigh as sensual. Forget half-mast, his cock was full-steam ahead and perkily prodding against the fly of his pants. It had been for the better part of an hour. Or two. He had no idea how long they'd been stuck here, because he seemed to be stuck in a torturously permanent limbo of constant arousal.

"Knock it off."

"Eh? Knock what off?"

Lavi moved his leg again and Kanda grit his teeth. "That."

Lavi blinked, then grinned and wriggled some more.

"Quit it," Kanda hissed.

"Why?" Lavi asked, wriggling more.

Lavi's calf slid up the length of Kanda's shaft, providing long-awaited friction, and Kanda let out a breath that was part moan. They both froze. The machine outside beeped.

Lavi stared deep into his soul and slid his leg ever so slowly back down again. Kanda held his gaze and struggled to keep a nonchalant face. The sharp intake of breath as Lavi experimentally pressed harder against him ruined his effort.

"Ha!"

He wanted to wipe that smug grin off the asshole's face, preferably with the help of Mugen.

"Ya know, this is actually a good idea. If we pretend to be lovers hiding in here won't look so suspicious."

Kanda couldn't make a noise to protest because Lavi was already wriggling around, digging in his pocket to find something. He waved a small pot at Kanda triumphantly. "How 'bout it, Yuu?"

Kanda frowned. _Lube. This attention whore carries lube everywhere with him? What the fuck._

"It's hand cream," Lavi said. "I'm not that depraved. Anyway, do you mind?"

"Mind what?"

His confusion was abruptly cut off by Lavi's white-clad butt to his face. "I can't reach. You're gonna havta do it."

The heat must really be getting to him, because somehow he was imagining that Lavi's idea of 'pretend to be secret lovers' was to actually have penetrative sex in a cabinet.

And Lavi's butt was wiggling. In his face. "Too _tight_."

Apparently his first thought had been correct, because the idiot was currently trying to _remove his pants._

"I can cut them," Kanda offered, doing his best not to sound too hopeful.

"Ooh, good idea. More authenticity," Lavi said, and Kanda wondered how stupid you had to be to allow someone who treated you like dirt near your genitals with a knife. _As stupid as someone eagerly allowing that same person to fuck you,_ his mind offered dryly.

"Hold still."

With some difficulty Kanda tugged a small switchblade out of his pocket and cut carefully along seam of the redhead's pants. His underpants were dotted with lurid pink hearts. Lavi sighed in relief. "Can you cut down the legs too? I'm overheating in here."

Kanda obeyed wordlessly, every muscle in his body tightening when Lavi sunk down onto his lap in an attempt to finally get his pants off. "You're on my dick."

"I know." Lavi rocked back against him. "Isn't that the point?"

Kanda shuddered and gripped his hips to keep him from moving again. He struggled to regain some sense of intelligence. _Why is he doing this? If it's just a pretend lovers thing his lack of pants is probably enough. He doesn't have to go through with fucking with me._

The pot of hand cream came sailing over Lavi's shoulder, hitting him in the forehead. Lavi wriggled a bit more. Kanda took the hint.

He conveniently ignored all the flashing lights and sirens in his brain telling him this was a Very Bad Idea because his cock, straining against his pants to get closer to Lavi's delectable ass, happened to think this was a Very Good Idea.

So instead of taking a few deep breaths (to be fair, there wasn't enough air in the cupboard to take any sort of a deep breath) and calming down, he dipped his fingers in the hand cream and pulled Lavi's underwear to one side.

 _Fuck._ His heart was beating triple time. Even at his most delusional he'd never imagined that he'd be locked in a cupboard with Lavi's ass spread open and inviting before him. He slid a lubed finger experimentally up Lavi's crack and the redhead shuddered against him. Emboldened, he slipped his finger inside Lavi's tight, wet heat. And then another.

There was barely enough room to move his arm but it didn't matter, because Lavi was moving for him, against him, pushing his fingers deeper inside.

"Yuu," Lavi gasped, "Take off your pants."

Kanda frowned, focusing hard on trying to starve off an orgasm that had been building for the past couple of hours. "There's not enough space."

"You idiot, I mean take your damn cock out. You know, to fuck me with."

"Oh." He was sure they were making too much noise, but he couldn't for the life of him remember why that was such a bad thing.

He came hard only moments after pushing inside Lavi. It wasn't his fault, though. It was the stupid rabbit and his tight wet hole, and his trembling, and his low, almost inaudible moans, and the way he'd been teasing him since the moment he'd been forced into the cabinet.

"How could you," Lavi mumbled, muscles pulsing around Kanda's spent cock, breathing heavily. "You have five minutes to get hard again, or else."

Kanda closed his eyes and breathed in the heady mix of their sweat and his cum. He was starting to feel lightheaded from the lack of air.

When he'd somehow managed hardness again and Lavi started to move an unexpected blinding light burned his retinas. It took a few seconds to realize that the light was because someone had opened the cabinet doors. That someone being Komui. Komui who was watching them with an incredibly startled expression on his face.

Komui blinked, and then very slowly shut the doors again. "Taskmaster 3000 and I are going to go now," he called. "Please make sure to clean up when you're done."

Kanda reached for the door, but Lavi grabbed his hand and held it tight. "Not done yet."

Thankfully Lavi was somewhat good at getting himself off, because he didn't last too much longer and they spilled out of the cabinet into a sticky mess on the floor.

Kanda cursed himself for his premature ejaculation because out in the light Lavi was a disheveled hot mess. He had severely missed out and if Lavi had ever intended to do this again he'd probably changed his mind by now. "Sorry," he grunted.

Lavi laughed. "For what? He really can't doubt that was a lovers' rendezvous now."

"Right." He'd forgotten that that was the plan.

"Your hair is such a mess." Lavi crawled on top of him and tugged his hair out of its band, then sat back to watch it float around his face. "Wow. So sexy, Yuu."

Kanda stared at him from under heavy brows. "Right," he said, deadpan.

"Urk."

The noise didn't come from him, and it definitely didn't come from Lavi. Kanda turned to the door, where Komui was peeking at them.

"You've ruined my beautiful hardwood floors."

Lavi chuckled, and to Kanda's surprise leaned over and pecked him on the lips. "Thanks for the meal." He wobbled to his feet, intending to leave, then looked down at his inappropriately dressed self.

Kanda sighed and stood up too, slipping off his exorcist jacket and dumping it on the redhead's shoulders. Not because he cared, of course, but it was kind of his fault and it really was too hot after being in that stuffy cabinet for so long.

"Thanks, Yuu." Lavi gave him a small, warm smile and disappeared out the door.

"So." Komui inched around the edge of the room and thoroughly inspected the chair behind his desk before gingerly sitting down. "I never would have guessed you were sweet on Lavi."

"I'm not," Kanda said, much too quickly.

"You sure?" Komui looked amused. "Then why are you still touching your lips?"

He pulled his hand away from his face as if it were on fire. He had no answer to that.

"Anyway," Komui continued, "There are a million other places you could have gotten it on, did you have to choose my favourite cabinet?" He gazed at it mournfully. "Now I'm going to have to burn it."

"I came to ask you something and Lavi… distracted me."

"Oh?"

Kanda struggled to collect his thoughts. "The lotus is losing petals for no reason. Am I – " It sounded too nihilistic, even to him " – am I dying?"

Komui frowned. "You don't appear to be in pain. And you had enough energy to ruin my cabinet."

Kanda grimaced. "It's not painful, more of an uncomfortable feeling. And it seems to have stopped now." He hadn't felt the prickling since Lavi had seduced him, actually. Weird.

Komui shrugged, obviously losing interest, and started filing away the papers on his desk. "It could be a lot of things, maybe stress. My best guess is that it's a premonition of something life-changing happening. If you're still worried tomorrow I can organise a medical exam for you."

"Life-changing?"

"Yes. Like, hmm, let's see." Komui gave an exaggerated pause. "Like perhaps getting handsy with a Bookman in my favourite cabinet?"

Kanda scowled. Perhaps it was just Komui being salty, but if _that_ was life-changing it meant he was going to have after effects to deal with. Which meant further awkward contact with Lavi. Shit.

Komui smiled widely at him. "Maybe it means you've found your soul mate. Good for you, Kanda."

 _Yeah right._ Kanda shook his head and stormed out of the room without another word. He pretended he couldn't still taste traces of Lavi lingering on his lips.

 _A/N: well… that was, like, 100x raunchier than I'd planned. What the fuck is wrong with me. I need to stop writing porn._


End file.
